Anonymous

I'm not okay. And I'm not lying. I really mean it when I say that I'm not okay. Many tell me that I have no right to say I'm not okay. Many say I have not seen the real world yet. Many say I'm too young to understand what it means by 'not okay'. Well, I'm quite sure I myself will know when I'm feeling okay and when I'm not. My definition of feeling okay and not okay defers from many others, but I know that I know because I'm not feeling okay. Does that make sense? It may not to many, and they may hate me for that. But I'm fine with it. That's life, isn't it?

This is not going to be some emotional post, not some 'I'm so depressed I'm gonna die' post. It's just a post to let everyone (who's reading this) know that sometimes, even the happiest frown. Sometimes, even the ones who smile cry. Sometimes, I just don't feel that great.

Many tell me about how lucky I am, how fortunate I am. I don't deny that. I am extremely fortunate to have loving parents and an amazing God.

But then, some people do go overboard and assume that I'm always happy, always so easy-going and well, an easy target to bitch to others. I know of many 'friends' that bitch about me behind my back, but what can I do? I don't want to lose these friendships.

I will endure the pain inflicted.

Many day how spoilt I am, forever posting 'ootd's on instagram', 'shopping hauls' and all that. That is only because I choose to show the happier side of my life to the world. Would you like to see someone's profile full of emo posts and things that remind you of the horrible stuff on earth? Probably not.

I'm lonely being the only child. I have suffered from depression at the age of 12. (cured now, I think) I have a weak immune system, not the kind where you think is manageable. I fall sick every month. I am on a daily dose of both Chinese and English medicine, possibly having to take them for my whole life. I have doubts about my 'perfect' famy. I have feelings. I get angry. I get sad. I get sensitive. I get annoyed.

Am I wrong to have a life like that? Am I being an attention seeking bitch by telling you these?

I only feel comforted by the fact that I know God would not judge me. God would not forsake me. God would never, ever, turn His back against me.

I pray, for those unforgiving and judgmental souls out there (like myself), that they would change.

Amen.

♡ ;;

Do you know of such beautiful autumn days, not cold just a little chilly, perfect? When leaves on trees start turning orange, red, and yellow. When flowers slowly wither away and green grass transforms into light brown hay. When you feel like taking a long walk, then wrap yourself in a wilt, drink hot chocolate and relax with a book in your hands.

Raindrops against your windows, wind knocking on the glass and the comfort of your warm bed. Don’t you ever think how wonderful it would feel to be a child again? On a stormy night, tell scary stories under blankets while wasting batteries on flashlights. Asking your mother to read you fairy tales and believing every word. Every single word.

When did you grow up and why did you lose that bottomless happiness in the process? Why isn’t world as interesting a place anymore and why doesn’t your imagination offer you timeless abyss like it used to? Where would you find yourself again and how?

Everyone needs a bit of a fairy tale in their lives.


(cr. fanfic)

Friendly match ; Singapore VS Malaysia! :)

Helloooooo! :)

So today, instead of having the usual boring training, we had guests from Malaysia to spice things up a little! :)

In total there was about 20-25 players from Malaysia. They were very well-known in their region for their excellent skills!

However, Singapore's team NYGH (cheesy omg) isn't too far behind them either!!!

HAHAHAHAHA, do I sound like a commentator??

Anyways, due to space constraint, I managed to play only 5 matches during that short period of 1 hour. That was actually quite a lot considering I never left the playing area to rest! (my teacher kept urging me to play and not rest)

After our friendly competition, we went to have a mini buffet that consisted of only fruit punch, curry puff and eclair HAHA. pathetic right???? sheesh, can't expect much honestly.

We interacted a lot and honestly I find that sometimes, it's worth making a fool out of yourself just to break the awkward atmosphere. (which is what I did, and trust me, it takes a while to get used to embarrassing yourself on purpose)

Sadly, they were only here for 1 day! Which meant that it'll be our first and last time seeing each other :(

Managed to take some photos with a few of the players! (pictures below)

Byeeeeee! ❤