Anonymous

I'm not okay. And I'm not lying. I really mean it when I say that I'm not okay. Many tell me that I have no right to say I'm not okay. Many say I have not seen the real world yet. Many say I'm too young to understand what it means by 'not okay'. Well, I'm quite sure I myself will know when I'm feeling okay and when I'm not. My definition of feeling okay and not okay defers from many others, but I know that I know because I'm not feeling okay. Does that make sense? It may not to many, and they may hate me for that. But I'm fine with it. That's life, isn't it?

This is not going to be some emotional post, not some 'I'm so depressed I'm gonna die' post. It's just a post to let everyone (who's reading this) know that sometimes, even the happiest frown. Sometimes, even the ones who smile cry. Sometimes, I just don't feel that great.

Many tell me about how lucky I am, how fortunate I am. I don't deny that. I am extremely fortunate to have loving parents and an amazing God.

But then, some people do go overboard and assume that I'm always happy, always so easy-going and well, an easy target to bitch to others. I know of many 'friends' that bitch about me behind my back, but what can I do? I don't want to lose these friendships.

I will endure the pain inflicted.

Many day how spoilt I am, forever posting 'ootd's on instagram', 'shopping hauls' and all that. That is only because I choose to show the happier side of my life to the world. Would you like to see someone's profile full of emo posts and things that remind you of the horrible stuff on earth? Probably not.

I'm lonely being the only child. I have suffered from depression at the age of 12. (cured now, I think) I have a weak immune system, not the kind where you think is manageable. I fall sick every month. I am on a daily dose of both Chinese and English medicine, possibly having to take them for my whole life. I have doubts about my 'perfect' famy. I have feelings. I get angry. I get sad. I get sensitive. I get annoyed.

Am I wrong to have a life like that? Am I being an attention seeking bitch by telling you these?

I only feel comforted by the fact that I know God would not judge me. God would not forsake me. God would never, ever, turn His back against me.

I pray, for those unforgiving and judgmental souls out there (like myself), that they would change.

Amen.